James 1

James 1

“So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits”

The fuel for my existence has been tainted with my understanding that I need to strive to make money so that I will continue to live. Where does this come from? It does not matter. What matters is that this idea is a reality for me and it is up to me to choose how to deal with it.

Margin Call is a straight forward movie with no twists about the decline of a firm and the process the company undergoes to sell its stocks before they are worthless. At the end we find a main character (Sam) to be digging a hole for his brown Labrador retriever that had just passed away. He is found digging the hole in the front yard of his ex-wife’s house when she comes out to see what is going on. He tells her it has been a long day and she says goodnight and goes inside.

This movie portrayed this verse in a way that helped me to understand it more. The character in the movie had spent 34 years of his life chasing after money based on an equation – his pursuit. His companion (wife) leaves him because he no longer cares about her as his pursuit. The company goes under and his chase for money is over. His second companion (dog) leaves him by way of death. What does this man have to live for now that he has no money, no career and no companions?

God challenged me on my being up in Washington so far because I have been seeking after money. I have been seeking after money when I have money in the bank. I have not been seeking after a job for God I have been seeking after a job for myself. Granted it is for my family to be supported but God tells me that if I seek his kingdom those cares will be taken care of. (Mt. 6:33)

I’ve recently realized I do not want to end up like Sam. My new motivation for finding a job must be a job for God and not for myself. 

Craftsman at Birth, Pastor at Rebirth

Recently, well not too recently I discovered that I am a craftsman.

I do enjoy hearing the ring that comes from that name in my ears, and I do have a passion for crafting.
I have always been working with my hands. When I was little I used to pretend I would make tea for
my family. From three years old I constructed buildings and ships and cars with legos. I would invent
things from junk or trash and re purpose them. I would give things new life and meaning. A hockey
helmet box became a chute for an upside down trash can etc. I crafted things.

I began skating about age five. I began playing hockey at age six. I would practice for hours on end
refining my stick handling and shots. I would draw things my mind imagined and recreate paintings
from artists like Van Gogh (my favorite). I picked up guitar in eighth grade then drums and piano in
the ninth grade. I used my hands.

Lastly, I picked up a Bible in tenth grade. At the time, I did not know what that meant but I knew that
God spoke to me through it.

In College I was called to Pastor; I am called to Pastor. I have heard that I am called to Pastor and now
I wonder what that will look like. I do fear things. I fear not knowing (do not we all?). I fear being
trusted with people's lives because of what I have been named by God, "Pastor".

I am not only a Pastor though. I too am a craftsman. My most recent venture in using my hands has been
with coffee. I have this desire to beg back to the root of every problem and fix it. With coffee I still
have not reached the root but I am well on my way. I have become a coffee snob. Mainly with espresso.

I have learned that coffee is a complicated process and that I cannot do the exact same thing every time to produce the same result I did before. Each bean must be roasted according to its origin, type and size. Beans are roasted based on time, color and crack. Beans are ground according to burr size, type of extraction, and person. Grinds are steeped according to extraction type, temperature, time and person. Within each realm of extraction of coffee, beans are grown differently, prepared differently and even blended together.

Sure there are many metaphors that could come from the coffee experience, yet the one I want to highlight has not yet been listed.
The back story is that that I recently talked with a friend who I hardly know about seemingly random topics. The topic landed on drums. He had very recently (through God's appointment he adds) met a very unique drum maker. This drum maker crafts very unique and high end drum sets. His main purpose is for God, for Jesus. He has been able to use his ability of crafting for God and God's kingdom. Trust me, the drums are good.

What gets me is...the drum maker is not good at playing drums! He is famous in his profession, but what his profession seems to accomplish (making the best drums, so that you can play the best) he lacks in completely. His actual profession is working for the kingdom of God. Though he is one of the best in what he does, it is evident that he does not make drums so that he can be the best at playing them.

Likewise, I have chosen to fulfill my role in the kingdom of God as pastor through means of craftsmanship. In whatever capacity, I will strive to the best in that area. Not for my sake or for the sake of being the best, but for God. I will use my craftsman abilities to produce the best coffee for the world not so that I can taste the fruit of my labor (superb coffee, mochas in particular) but so that people will be shepherded through me
and in the capacity that God has given me; being a craftsman; being a Pastor.

what

what is it?
what amazes me about God right now is that
he is selfless. he has been working on my heart and posture this summer on
being selfless like him, but i do not even compare. love is not self-seeking,
so he has never sought after for his own benefit but always for ours. The word
selfless does not come into play solely by giving gifts (like i do through compassion.org) but in everything. From gifts to thoughts to actions to energy
to effort to absolutely everything. When i continually realize just how much we are in comparison to God, how small we are, how unholy we are, etc.(without Jesus) and
how he does things that we take for granted like let us worship him, let us talk
with him, let us speak his name, it humbles me.

i have been a christian for almost 4 years now and i am just beginning to put pieces
together about the Bible, its so intense! But just knowing about the trinity, the atonement, the power of Jesus' name, the resurrection of Christ, etc. is powerful stuff. i really really really really really really want to preach powerfully(like Samuel the prophet whose words never fell to the floor). i really really want people to understand the glimpse of God the way i have. i really want them to grow grow grow with him. pray that God uses me.

a prayer

i was praying today for an event we are doing with the church here in Idaho. i felt impressed to pray the lord's prayer. and i was thinking about why Jesus would have said to pray like this. Something i want to explain is how we, if we truly believed in what we say we do, would carry out exactly that. i don't believe(yet) that there is any hindrance for us not(that could overcome our ability to.) in knowing this, or believing it, i think Jesus would have said this for more than one reason which God showed me today. That reason being: Jesus was to provoke people to carry out the Lord's prayer. Because if we were simply going to recite something he might as well just have said "stairway to heaven" is the Lord's prayer. But i think that Jesus would have wanted us to pray with our hearts fully into what we were saying. Therefore if we believed what were saying: hallowed be your name(may your name be kept holy), as we forgive those who trespass against us(forgive everyone), we would not just say it but act upon it. We would keep the Lord's name holy, we would forgive, we would rely on God for our daily needs.

Drive

What drives you the most? i really want to know and i want everyone to comment on this telling me what drives them the most or!!! write it on your page and then comment the link to it on mine! thanks.
What drives me the most? Seeing people worship God. Truly worship God, when they know God is right in front of them, i cry. Sometimes i worship by watching other people worship God. To me, watching other people worship God is an act of worship because it increases my faith in God and his promises.
Amen.

:(

i am really discouraged. i am not seeing a point to life
right now. It really seems just boring. there's not need
for me to hold this in because i don't need to look strong
for anyone. If i think of myself less like true humility
desires, who thinks of me? Well God thinks of me. i know
emotions shouldn't come into play with reality or maybe it
should because i am an emotional being, but i really don't
feel good. Is this what humility feels like? Is my desire
to be thought of because i have thought of myself my whole
life until now? I know being happy is not what life is about
at all but will i be happy again? i wanted to learn humility
this summer so that God would use me more. i haven't been used
yet. I am not sure how long i have to wait on God but it sure
seems like he is taking his time! What is the meaning of humility?
Does humility take place so that i would become an instrument
to be used by God and this is my sole purpose for life? Although
i would love to see a product of my labor i know that it is not
about the product but why i labor and who i labor for. Then this
leads me to thinking about why i need to labor when Christ labored
for me. Sure it was for something different something that i could
never do but i take that meaning of freedom farther than just my sins.
i did not become a christian for Christ dying for my sins, i became
a Christian because God cared about my soul. He saw how destroyed my
soul was by a girl because i was giving my life for her and she gave
me nothing in return. God was there and when i heard him care
for me i wanted to learn more about him. Now as i advance to
"advanced doctrines" it makes me not want to be a christian
at all. Legalism is all over the church which tells me to be
legalistic like everyone else. i cannot feel anymore. i became
a christian because i could feel again. i felt like i was
existing to live again, no longer living to exist. Now sadly
i don't feel that way anymore. All i am told to do while being
a christian is how to act, act! Why should i have to act a
certain way so that someone would know Christ. NEver in my
life has anyone every come to know Christ by how i presented
myself as a Christian actor doing good works and not evil.
i hope i am not alone and that others who are the christians
i hope to be would exhort me in any way instead of just telling
me that everything is going to be OK because jesus died for my
sins. I know that, i am holy and blameless before God but i
don't feel free, like i was when i became a christian_ existing
to live.

love pt. 2

i am in love.
i love seeing love.
love loves loving me.
God is love.
Ben and Mariana love each other,
Joey and Hanna love each other,
Luke and Kaity love each other,
Scott and Laurie love each other,
i love Callie and she loves me.
i love everyone i have ever met
which is weird. lol. love is pretty
weird though too. True love is
actually really intense, i didn't
think it would be. i can't grasp it
at all, like the trinity oh my gosh!
chocolate is really good but it does
not love me and i cannot love it.
only people can love people, God made
it that way.