trapped

i feel trapped. i cannot think freely as i used to.

far away

sometimes it seems like i am far away from God. i am not, i am seated in the heavenly places at his right hand. Ephesians 2:6. this is hard for me to realize but when i do i find absolute rest and peace and joy and purpose. it might be my want to get closer to God and that desire puts me in a place to where i can grow and in that grow closer. that does not numb the pain of loneliness though.

simple love

being close to God is something i want to always long for. i am so glad that this is where i am at right now. i know i am not right next to him, but spiritually i am because of Ephesians explains this, but i know that God loves the fact that i am going to strive after him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. God is my father and i am so glad that he always brings me to a place of where i need to be

Pharisees wanted to be part of akribeia, a scrupulous exactness in their observance of God’s laws. Therefore Pharisees defined the law because they wanted to be in tune with the exactness of it. I think having that kind of heart is definitely what one should strive for. But remembering that the Pharisees were often the opponents of Jesus in the gospels because of their lack of compassion (Matthew 9:13). I think that we often are burdened with trying to find a formula for many things, for example lifestyles. The evidence of a Christian lifestyle is fruits or “works”. To come up with a formula for producing “Fruit” in one’s own life is in my opinion Pharisaical. The Pharisees sought to be exact in observing God’s laws and in doing so they added to the law. Example of this is expanding on the law in Exodus 19 of keeping the Sabbath was that one could not spit on the Sabbath because they were watering the crops. They had hundreds of laws added to the actual law to produce what they thought was exactness of it. I think that by trying to produce what is right and wrong in many situations can become Pharisaical if we are not careful. Jesus’ teaching is very clear, love the LORD your God with all your heart, mind, soul, strength and love your neighbor as yourself. To know how to do that is not by adding to the law, but living it with a pure heart. Remember John 3:17 “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

connecting

the ability to connect with people seems to be something more than i thought.
i have a lot of friends from different backgrounds that i can connect with, some
easier than others. i just realized i don't have to write in complete sentences,
i can come to a level where i can connect with different people but the fact is
i don't want to be there very long, i don't think that it's not safe or not comfortable
to me more or less just that i hate it. I have strove to be at the level where i am at.
different times of the day i am able to connect with others not on my level more easily
but to be fulfilled i need to be at my level. I would love for others to be at my level as
well, see my views, perceive my thoughts, and have people to enjoy life from my point
of view with but it's hard to come by most hours of the day.